"Hachara disease"

Here I am... sitting in my desk.. in my room... high up in the mountains... in the middle of a nowhere i call home...

now awake for 36 hours straight... i don't know why i haven't slept... i didn't know why...

i had just hung up my phone... something's different... her voice.. her breathing was different... 

I sat for 30 minutes... my friends were here... i could only see them talk.. i didn't hear a word they said...

something was wrong with me...

you don't sound okay.. i had asked her, and you seem to be hiding something....

she said no.. am fine... i knew she was lying and i told her... liar! 

she said i'm fine... and i believed her...

it's a little past 5 am, she excuses herself... we're leaving to beirut... 

her appointment is not before 8... and before i ask her...

we're making a stop before we get there... she said

i could swear she's not okay... but i let her go... she wanted me to let her go...

yes..it's what i feel the most bad about... i should have insisted.. but..

yeah... i get an sms from her saying she is in a hospital room... 

and a blog post notification... her blog...

and yes i had to learn it from her blog that she is undergoing surgery...

i don't know what i'm feeling right now... i don't know what i'm doing here on my blog...

I just hope she gets well soon.. very soon...

I Love you koukou

allah y5alile albik w y2awmik bkher w salemeh...

Senior Lessons

Yes I know it's been a while... 


3 whole months and 9 days exactly :) since I last posted anything on here... 
13 / 4 / 2011 the day i met her... then nothing was ever like before :)
And then University and Work... but here I am and as always open for feedback and comments :)


After our Freshman Sophomore and Junior lessons, it is time for the Senior lessons...
First of all, Senior biology differs from Senior Psychology:

• Senior Biology: When it comes to sex and sexuality, men and women are different!
• Senior Psychology: But when it comes to emotions and love, men and women are much more alike than we are different.

You can be yourself and it works! 

It’s astonishing to me that so many people think that “being romantic”  somehow means something other than “being yourself.”

Men don’t really expect women to be playmates, and women don’t really expect men to be Harlequin heroes. What we all really want is the spark, the magic, the thrill of love: the experience we all had at the beginning of our relationships. This experience can be recreated through romance. That is, through the creative expression of your

feelings. You never need to be someone you aren’t, but you do need to stay in touch with your feelings, and then act on them.

Start with any basic romantic concept, then give it a twist— build on it, expand it, exaggerate it, use your creativity, put your personal stamp on it—and you’ll create an endless supply of new romantic ideas.

I'll leave you with that,

stay tuned 

Ali

Junior Lessons

Turn common, everyday events into “little celebrations” - opportunities to express your love for your partner.

We’re not talking passion here, but affection. (We’ll get to passion elsewhere!…) 


A tiny bit of forethought can turn the ordinary into the special. 



Recognize that one mode of expression isn’t enough. We all have natural patterns that we follow; behaviors that are easy, natural, habitual; modes of expression that we fall into without even thinking about it. And these modes of expression are not particularly gender-based. 


Do you talk about your feelings, or do you act
on your feelings? Are you quick and spontaneous, or slow and methodical? Do you process information primarily through your head, or through your heart? Do you express yourself directly, or subtly?



There’s no “right” and “wrong” here, simply “your” way and your partner’s way. So the first lesson is to accept that your partner has a variety of different ways of expressing his or her feelings. 
Honor and respect these differences.


The second lesson is to recognize your own modes of communication. Your easiest path to better communication will be through your natural channels.

Sophomore Lessons

Move beyond what I call “Generic Romance.”
Generic Romance is the stuff that our culture has defined as “romantic”: Chocolate, champagne, dinners, diamonds, movies, roses, lingerie, perfume, flowers, cards, and candy. Yes, this stuff is romantic (yes, I give roses to my gf sometimes) but it’s only a start, it’s just skimming the surface.
If you expect your relationship to survive (much less thrive) for fifty years or more, you must move waaay beyond Generic Romance.



Timing is everything.
• Pulling surprises requires a superb sense of timing.
• Belated birthday cards ought to be outlawed.
• Chocolate is romantic, but not if she’s on a diet. :P
• Stick to small romantic gestures when he’s totally preoccupied with a big work project. (Save the biggies until he can appreciate them.)



Flirt with her at a party, as if you were both single.
• Freshmen level: Flirt just a little. Wink. Compliment her.
• Sophomore level: Act out a complete “pick-up” fantasy, without any of the other guests being aware of what you’re doing.
• Junior level: Continue the fantasy as you return home!
• Senior level: Act out the complete “pickup” fantasy at the party—and sneak off to an empty room, car, or closet, and make, you know... :P mad, passionate love!

Freshman Lessons

Romance is a state of mind. If you have the right mindset, you can make cleaning the bathroom romantic. If you have the wrong mindset, you can turn a moonlit stroll on the beach into a miserable experience.




Romance is a state of being. It’s about taking action on your feelings. It’s a recognition that love in the abstract has no real meaning at all! Romance is best defined as “love-in-action.” Love is the feeling—romance is the action. Got it?? 
Romance often starts as a “state of mind,” but it must move beyond mere thoughts and intentions, and be communicated to your lover through words, gifts, presents, gestures, touches, looks --> through action.



Romance is about the little things. It’s much more about the small gestures, the little ways of making daily life with your lover a bit more special, than it is about extravagant, expensive gestures.



There are two kinds of romance: 1) Obligatory, and 2) Optional. 
Obligatory romance is required by law. Look, if you forget to send roses on Valentine’s Day, you’d simply better not show up at home! But optional romance is really more romantic.It’s more genuine. It’s making the romantic gesture when you’re not required to. It’s arriving home on a Tuesday after work with flowers—just because! It’s massages and messages. It’s cards and candles and songs and…

The Fundamental Things Apply

Romantics have their priorities straight.
What are your priorities? What I mean is, what are your true priorities?
In other words, how do you spend your time? How you spend your time reflects your true priorities. (Most people claim that home and family are most important to them, but their actions don’t reflect this.)


Living a life full of love is about getting your actions into alignment with your beliefs.

• Make an honest appraisal of how you spend your time. Make a chart of how you spend an average week. You’ll probably make some interesting discoveries!

• Say to her, “Let’s plan a special outing: A lunch-date, dinner-date, movie, whatever. You choose the time and place, and I’ll be there, regardless of my previous plans.” This shows that she has top priority, over work, friends, hobbies, etc.

• You sometimes work overtime at work, right? Why not occasionally work “overtime” on your relationship?

Romantics know that love is a process.

While on the one hand romantics tend to live in the moment, we also expect to be around for a while, so we don’t fret too much about today’s problems.

We know that love, like life, is a process. Things change. Things grow. There is a future coming our way, and it’s probably going to

be pretty good!

Finally, adjust your daily schedule in some small way to advance the process of love in your life. 

Women Are (Not) from Venus*

Sara shares this story: “The most romantic gift my husband ever gave me was a pair of needle-nose pliers.



“You see, my family draws names for Christmas gifts, and my wish list always includes tools, I just like to fix things, but nobody ever gives me any! The year I didn't get the needle-nose pliers I requested, I happened to mention to my husband, Mark, that it bothered me that my family didn't take me seriously.



“When December arrived and we were short on cash, Mark and I decided not to give each other any gifts. Celebrating Christmas with Mark’s family, I found a tiny wrapped gift from my husband under the tree. His family simply didn't understand why a pair of pliers would bring tears of happiness to my eyes!”



Be aware of the differences in men’s and women’s styles of communicating, but don’t over-emphasize them. If you focus on the gap, you’ll overlook the bridges!



Bridge #1: The fact that underneath all our differences in style, men and women all want the same things: to be loved, cared for, respected, and appreciated; to have a place of safety and security where we can be ourselves, grow, experiment, and mature.



Bridge #2: Romance itself. Romance is a bridge between the sexes, as it is the expression of love. Romance is a language that uses words, gestures, and tokens to communicate the subtle, multifaceted, and complicated feelings of love.


Finally, and to wrap up these latest post, George Carlin says:

“Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.”

related to:

Women Are from Venus

Men Are (Not) from Mars*

Love is not gender specific. Therefore, romance is not gender-specific. Nearly every idea on this blog applies to both men and women, even though I sometimes say “her” and other times “his.” Don’t forget that deep down, we all want the same things in life. Men and women have different styles, not different needs.



Note: Things have changed since the 1950s, men like flowers too. A recent survey indicates that 74 percent of men would feel comfortable receiving flowers and would appreciate the gesture.



The next time you’re tempted to fall into using simple gender stereotypes, think about The Odd Couple. Felix and Oscar are both “regular guys” but they’re as different as night and day! Their differences arise from their individual, personalities, not from their gender.


The same applies to you and your partner. Not all women are emotional, intuitive, and communicative. Not all men are logical, aggressive, and practical. While generalizations are generally true, it’s also true that it’s the quirks and idiosyncrasies, the qualities that make people unique that we fall in love with.


A very useful exercise is to talk together about how and why you first fell in love with each other. The  challenge is to answer very, very specifically. You’ll notice that the qualities most people identify are rarely gender-specific (“His eyes.” “Her sense of humor.” “The way he smells.” “His solid values.” “We both love the same books.”)


People with Good Relationships tend to stay in touch with these qualities in themselves and support those qualities in their partners.



Proof that men are from Earth:
1. A man wrote Romeo and Juliet.
2. A man wrote The Bridges of Madison County.
3. Fred Astaire was a man.





related to:

Men Are from Mars

Women Are from Venus

When women use the word “romance,” they’re usually referring to love. When men use the word “romance,” they’re often referring
to sex. (So be careful! The word “romance” can be slippery.)


Sales figures show that women tend to prefer pink and white and pastel colors for lingerie, while men prefer to see women in black and red. 


• Women: Ask yourself if you’re dressing to please him or yourself.
• Men: Ask yourself if the goal of your lingerie gift is to please her or please yourself.


• Women: Stop nagging. Even if you’re right. (Especially if you’re
right!) several women have told me that nagging and complaining are the quickest ways to drive a man into a resentful, and far from romantic silence.


• Men: Stop judging. Stop correcting. Stop lecturing. She doesn’t need it and doesn’t want it. You’re not her father or teacher, you’re her lover.


Men and women tend to be “thermally incompatible.” It is a biological fact that at “room temperature,” most women are chilly and most men are warm.

Men Are from Mars

Be aware that men and women tend to have different styles of communicating.


A man engages the world as “an individual in a hierarchical world social order in which he [is] either one-up or one-down.”
A woman, on the other hand, approaches the world as “an individual in the world of connections. 


In this world, conversations are negotiations for closeness in which people try to seek and give confirmation and support, and to reach consensus.”



Ladies: Do you really think that he thinks the way you think?
Gentlemen: Do you really think that she thinks the way you think? 


Everyone:
Think again!


He gives her lingerie:
• What he means: “You’d look great in this.”
• How she takes it: “He wants me to look like a slut!”


She wants to go out for dinner and a movie:
• What she means: “I want to go out for dinner and a movie.”
• How he takes it: “I’m going to go broke!”


He gives her one red rose:
• What he means: “This symbolizes my love for you.”
• How she takes it: “He’s too cheap to buy a dozen.”


She gives him a Love book:
• What she means: “This will improve our relationship.”
• How he takes it: “She’s trying to turn me into someone else.”


What to do? Talk more. Assume less. Listen more. Open your heart. Check your assumptions. And keep trying.

Always, Always, Always

Always, always, always stay in touch with the special, memorable, unique ways that the two of you have fun together.


What’s the most fun you’ve ever had with your clothes on? Well, do it again!


What’s the most fun you’ve ever had with your clothes off? Well?!

• Learn your partner’s “hot buttons” and vow to never hit them.
• Learn your partner’s pet peeves and avoid them.
• Learn your partner’s “blind spots” and help him or her cope.
• Learn your partner’s “soft spots” and indulge them.
• Learn what turns your partner off and avoid those behaviors.
• Learn what turns your partner on and practice, practice, practice!

When’s the last time you really played together?

Enjoy your time together...

Theme Songs:

“Always,” Bon Jovi

“Always,” U2

“Always,” Blink 182

Concepts 201 - You have passed

You might agree that occasional romance is “nice,” but it’s limited. Romance over-time is what it’s really all about. Why? Because consistency of romantic effort reflects your commitment to your partner. Because it shows that he or she is a top priority in your life.



Romantic love consists of a triad of passion, commitment, and intimacy. Let’s take a quick look at how these ingredients combine and recombine at different stages in a relationship.


Passion usually takes the lead during dating. Commitment may be nonexistent, and intimacy is just a potential. 
As the relationship progresses, commitment and intimacy twist and turn around one another, building a framework for further relationship growth. 


Spurred on by passion, commitment often turns serious, and marriage results. Newlywed passion usually carries the relationship for a year or two, while commitment is assumed, and intimacy builds. 


When the inevitable challenges and temptations arise, it is hoped that the commitment is strong enough, and the intimacy deep enough, to sustain the relationship.


Passion, commitment, and intimacy all come under fire from a variety of outside sources: jobs, friends, money issues, children, etc. Some of the challenges come from internal sources: insecurity, lack
of self-esteem, fear, immaturity, lack of experience, etc.



The combined strength of the passion/commitment/intimacy will determine the fate of the relationship. 


If commitment is strong but passion weak, the couple will “hang in there” but will not be particularly happy. If passion and commitment are strong but intimacy is weak, the couple will stay together but fail to grow. 


The happiest couples are able to achieve a dynamic balance of passion, commitment and intimacy.

Concepts 102

A “relationship” is an entity. It is a living, growing thing.

This isn’t just a poetic metaphor; I mean it literally. 

A relationship is something new that is created when two separate people decide to become a couple. The relationship is connected to and related to each individual, but it is still separate from the individuals involved.

(There’s you, there’s me, and there’s this mysterious, indefinable, invisible-yet-very-real thing that we call us.)

 And just as each individual person needs time, attention and care, so does the relationship.

Beware of the phenomenon of “Relationship Entropy” (yes you've heard of that in Chem201 and yes awful class i hated it too) anyway it is the tendency of relationships to become more diffuse if not cared for and nurtured; the tendency for once close lovers to drift apart if both of them don’t work at it on a consistent basis. 

we're getting into the subject... stay tuned ;)

Concepts 101

Let's start with some of the basic concepts everybody should know...


Do you know the difference between the “urgent” and the “important”? (notice the 'the')
Mixing them up causes us to lose sight of our true priorities and the really important things in our lives.


The urgent is what demands your attention right now: deadlines, details, and short-term priorities. It may be what’s important to you, but more often it reflects the priorities of others.


The important is what reflects your priorities and values. It is more long-term in nature and therefore easier to defer.


Love is important, car troubles are urgent. Beware of the urgent eclipsing the important in your life!

First

Ok, first post…

For those of you who didn’t know, Anael is the angel of love, air & passion. Which is why I named this blog Anael (well actually it was also because love123 123love love123love were all taken or unavailable :P) . I’m blogging this and dedicating it to everyone but specifically,

To the romantics—who simply want more.

To the cynics (the romantics of tomorrow).

To those who want to fall in love again.

To those who want to save romance from the scientists and psychologists and put it back into the hands of the poets and dreamers and lovers.

To my friends… (Who are more fun than you and me.)

Finally, I would like to say that there are thousands, millions of ways of expressing love. These are some ideas to start with…